WonderBlog

So yesterday I posted about dumb stuff.

But it was kinda fun. I am full of thoughts about all kinds of things, and why not just dump a few on my website? It's not the LOUVRE, for goodness sakes!

it's supposed to rain hard today. Maybe later, it hasn't yet. I wore a good coat, though. Today, for the first time this year, I rode the bus.

My new car has been fun to drive, but I really shouldn't commute to work if it is possible to ride the bus. The bus is morally superior, and superior in other ways.

But the bus requires taking the air. The air is nippy, and it might be wet. Therefore: coat.

My coat of choice is not a fashionable one. I wore it yesterday too, even though I was not bussing it. It's an air force desert camoflage coat, with excellent pockets.

I like camoflage. I grew up with camoflage everywhere. All the boys wore camoflage. In fact, since the school started during moose hunting season, the school pretty much started with all the boys wearing as much camo as they owned. It was a badge of honor, to have all camo. It was a great advantage when we played capture the flag in the woods. it's hard to capture what you can't see.

Eventually, the school banned it, because it was too casual. We were not allowed to wear jeans either.

Anyway, when I grew up and could buy my own clothes, I liked to have some camo in my closet for certain types of tasks. It's very durable and comfortable, especially the really old worn stuff.

When I went out to visit Telissa, whose husband was in the air force, I tried to find some camo in the thrift stores aroudn the base. In california, i hadn' t found any good camo. It was everywhere in alaska, but not so much here. We couldn't find any.

But later, her considerate husband gifted me with this nice coat. Awesome!

and I use it. It's good for dog walking and bus stop waiting, and other warmth-requiring outdoor activities.

HOWEVER, people have opinions about it.

The react to the militariness of it.

how odd. It's just a practical coat. but people ask me "Have you been in the military?"

And I explain how the coat was a gift from a thoughtful airforce friend.

But they assume things.

huh

And I realize that the only camo i see around here is ON people on active duty. Or little faux camo t-shirts or minis on size zero teenage girls. how weird.

I've long thought that clothing was a form of communication. Pairing harley davidson combat boots with a pale pink lace&cotton prom dress is a wardrobe pun, really.

But there are apparently regional dialects of wardrobe. The camo means one thing to me, and another to the soft and civilized californians.

I wear that coat and I am saying "Warm practical coat."
The see me wear the coat and hear "Paramilitary nut job."

Not the same language.

I am planning a trip to alaska. Chris needs to see it. I think I'm willing to go there for a QUICK trip to show him.

And i wonder....I remember camo being everywhere. But that was about 20 years ago. have things changed? Thank you, Walmart, clothing is plentiful and good quality. Maybe the era of using whatever is at hand is over, and specialization is upon us. Even in Alaska.

I hope not.

Northern Exposure was on TV on new years, and I made Chris watch some of it. I remember it was on TV, maybe reruns, when I first moved to California. That was what people knew as Alaska.

I thought Alaska was just life. I didn't know. I watched the show a couple times to find out what people thought I was. I remember thinking it was pretty close, but somehow not quite.

So Chris and I watched the reruns, I with my more finely tuned perceptions.

OKAY, the fictional town was WAY too cute. It is obvious that the indoor scenes were not filmed in alaska. BECAUSE all the little house furnishings, the window handles and cupboards were too old.

They are similar to the hardware in my 50s house. And I remember the then I used to be, and how hungry I was for anything old. Something from the fifties was impossibly old.

There just wasn't anything that old. If there was something from then...maybe a log cabin? Maybe a sled dog run? But those would not have had all the nice fixtures. or built-in cupboards of the ranch-style.

things were so new. and things were just so damn hard to get. I guess the military was really good at sending supplies, so it was easier for the poor folks (such as my family) to get the cast offs.

the richer folk literally FLEW TO SEATTLE TO GET HAIR CUTS. Unbelievable.

I think that my background is part of why I take the bus. I consider the bus a luxury. That view is not shared by most other Angelinos. But my town didn't have a bus. I really wished i had a bus.

I wonder if they have a bus now. I know my street, Bull Moose Drive, is paved now, a development I am still surprised by.

I'm gonna take Chris to see it. And the lake, renamed Memory Lake. How ironic! Memories of what? Mosquitoes past? The place was virgin forest before they threw up a housing subdivision and named all the streets in two-word animal names--Bull Moose--Red Fox. The lake was called Swamp lake before the developers got there. But I spent many hours on the lake, swimming in the cold summers and iceskating in the freezing winters.

There are a lot of things I need to show Chris, and probably a lot of things I need to see again for myself.

Anyway. I thought I would post a little something.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 09:08 AM | Permalink

It's 2008

Posted by Murphy Horner at 10:30 AM | Permalink

I haven't posted in a long time.

I have thoughts to share.

I just don't have the time.

So, I had a very nice Christmas, I hope you did too.

I am wearing a lovely cable-knit hoodie sweater I recieved from my mother-in-law. MONUMENTALLY, I finally had a conversation with Chris's brother, my new brother-in-law. Somehow, in the previous 8 years, we never quite launched a conversation. I kept hoping it would happen, thinkingn that somewhere in there was an interesting thought.

And I WAS RIGHT! My faith is justified, and that actually brings new light to all kinds of possibilities that I have been losing hope on. So that's good.

We got a new car, while not hearing from the insurance yet about old car. Eh, I like me new car, so that's okay.

We have also misplaced the card reader for the camera, so i can't share a digital picture. sorry.

and I'm sorry to be so boring. I appreciate your patience, and I note that the blogs I follow are singularly boring just now, so I am giving myself slack for being unoriginal.

Peace and love to all.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 12:51 PM | Permalink

It is, it is!

The longest nights of the year are now. Today is the shortest day.

So, find a reason to stay in bed. Cuddle and enjoy warm covers.

Tomorrow will be brighter. It's a fact.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 10:45 AM | Permalink

So on monday another person forgot to hit their brakes.

They hit me and my car is done.

the crumple zones crumpled.

I am okay. My neck is a bit stiff, but I think that will be over by the end of the week.

I did see the doctor and I asked him if I needed to rest..He said "Let your pain be your guide."

okay.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 09:17 AM | Permalink

I have been working on a book for four years...and I can't find half of it.

It must be somewhere.

You know those ads for "PC anywhere"? they say "Do you need to access your desktop computer at work from home? Get PC anywhere!"

I need to access my stupid home computer...but

that whitespace is for all the caps i want to use and big profanities. The thing is, our network has been befoogled by the new office. THe office that chris is in. and it's a little far for my laptops' wireless to reliably get to...and YES, we put in cabling back to the house...but I must have punched it down wrong...

and it's because...

and I can't

But it can't happen until

it is all about shaving the yak

which makes be want to curse in caps

and I could if I wanted to...i don't object to cursing or caps when appropriate...

BUT NONE OF THIS IS APROPRIATE

^&*(%
(*()(&*^&%^&!!

Posted by Murphy Horner at 09:06 AM | Permalink

One of the things I always knew when I was growing up was how special my church was. It was filled with the Holy Spirit.

Most other places were not filled with the Holy Spirit. In fact, other churches were so far away from God that they were even suspicious of people who were filled with the Holy Spirit. We knew that was silly, because the Bible talks about being filled with the Holy Spirit, right there in the beginning of Acts.

How could a Christian call themself a Christian and be suspicious of what was right there in the BIble?

I wanted to know how it had gotten lost. I was told that the Bible was written, and then the Church got all corrupted because of the sinfulness of the Catholic Church. It was amazing that there was a church at all, but it trucked along by the mercy of--the Holy Spirit!--until Martin Luther could hang his 95 theses on the wall and everyone could be Christians again.

But that didn't answer my question about how Christians had lost the Holy Spirit. What had happened?

It was kinda the same thing. Just like Christianity itself had bumped along in the dark until Martin Luther cast off the evil catholics, the Holy Spirit had been ghosting around like a fog in the dark, just waiting to come back. He waited, until a lady in Los Angeles was suddenly filled with the Holy Spirit, started talking in tongues, and then everyone got filled with the Holy Spirit again.

A lady in Los Angeles? That means it couldn't have been that long ago.

No, it was right before the great depression.They called it the Azusa street revival and that's how our church got started. A lot of churches got started throught that movement.

----------------------

I remember hearing about the Asuza street revival. What I didn't know what how HUGE it was, and that the lady who was filled with the Holy Spirit was a world-wide phenomena knows as Sister Aimee Semple-McPherson.

I didn't even know that my bus passed that very Asuza street church, known as Temple Angelus, every day when I used to work downtown.

She was a huge force, and magnetically powerful woman who had passed into obscure legend, a no-name entity, by the time my folks had jumped on the caboose of the train that had started out as her bandwagon.

She started in the midwest, and her first husband was a preacher. They went to China as missionaries, and he died. She miraculously made it backto america and eventually became an evangelist.

And how! She had a radio show during the heyday of radio. In fact, she was the one who came up with the "Place your hands on the radio to be healed" idea...

I also find it interesting that her phrases (as I have heard them in documentaries) are the accent and tones that I heard imitated by itinerant preachers that came. I aways wondered why people would get that prophesying tone.

Oh Lord-ah...we prayyy for sturength-uh

I wondered about that as a kid...People who spoke normally in conversation would start talking all funny..

IT WAS HER! she talked like that.

And I never knew. I never knew that such an incredible strong woman got baptized in the man-centered church of my youth..baptized SO HARD she never came up for air.

and I had to learn about her through a PBS documentary.

...yet another example of how anonymous is a woman...

There was no end to the references of the Asuza street revival. But heavens, I never knew what it was.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 08:06 PM | Permalink

problems with my itunes has me reloading the music that's on my computer back into the player.

That is a treacherous path down memory lane. I have an odd assortment of music on the computer.

Gin Blossoms. WOW, that's memory lane. it's under the genre heading Alternative & Punk.

Alternative. I remember asking what that was supposed to mean.

"It's like Heavy metal, but about how your life sucks..."

Does anyone else remember the Flannel shirt days of seattle music like me? I haven't met anyone who does in a long time. But the GBs were from that time, and I am there again.

Nirvana can follow Cobain to wherever he went, they were never my anthems. But the Gin Blossoms, a million weird college bands never to be heard from again...They Might be Giants, Linda Perry' screaming "WHAT"S GOING ON?" and the doc marten shod cranberries..."Do you have to...do you have to...?"

"Step out the front door like a ghost into a fog
where no on notices the contrast of white on white"

That slammed me in the gut..the struggle for selfhood and to be noticed in the big wide world of other people's importance...

I remember beign grateful that huge clothing and torn jeans were in, because the homeless look was just about all I could afford at the time. I was POOR.

way poor

and then in '95 I moved to California, and that' about when I met Alanis. SHE let me know just how pissed off I was.

"I dont' mean to pick you apart you see
but I can't help it...
..all I really want is some patience..
a way to calm the angry voice...
and all i really want is deliverance"

Those were the days.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 11:31 AM | Permalink

I went ice skating this weekend. It is part of a girl's night my fabulous socially organizing-type friend is doing.

There are a lot of girls that could be part of the girls' night. But this is the second girls night, and we are capping out at four. They are not all the same girls. It's a rotating cast of people that can manage to come.

At our dinner afterwards, Kim (the organizer) brought something up. She has a roommate, a mostly employed actor, and he asked her what she was doing.

"Girls night"

"Oh, I'm having a dinner party, I was gonna tell you to come."

This dinner party was organized about 2 days prior. They expected about 40 people to show.

OUR girls night had been organized MONTHS ago, but only four people (and only two for the whole time) came.

I suggested that maybe roommate's JOB is to draw an audience, and that is why all these people come. He pulls a crowd, and that is what makes him employed as an actor.

Someone else suggested that maybe it's because all his unemployed actor buddies are quite up for anything at the drop of a hat. He KNOWS a bunch of people with free time.

We girls were not full of free time.

So, It makes me think. How do people end up being friends with people these days? Myspace and Facebook are not really full of friends. Not the sort of friends you see and hang out with.

It's tough, once you get successful and responsible, to maintain the friends. That's why I admire Kim greatly for helping. I know it takes time for her to organize our girls nights.

Somehow I think we forget to give ourselves and fun times a priority. It gets pushed back, lower down on the list. FIRST we have to get to work and FIRST we have to go take the class and FIRST we have to...

but we can't seem to find a second.

I know that once people have kids, they seem to grow a social life again. I've seen elaborate birthday parties for three year olds that have more adults than kids.

I guess if you hang out with poeple who are full of free time, then you can have friends. Like the employed actor. but those of us who are more than mostly employed...well...we like hanging out with other ambitious people. And people like that take 2..3...4...10 tries before you can actually spend the time.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 08:35 AM | Permalink

(I didn't write this, it was a random spam like list I found)

1. Losers think everything is too good to be true, while the successful think that getting a job sounds too bad to be true (think entrepenuer).

2. Losers give up when things don't go their way; a few disappointments and they are onto something else, saying things like "it wasn't for me." The successful work harder and become more determined when things go bad, and understand that you have to take the bad with the good to make it.

3. Losers always have an excuse. Successful people say "my fault" and refuse to make excuses.

4. Losers think that not getting what they want is OK. Successful people are disgusted at the thought of not getting what they want and will do whatever it takes.

5. Losers always have to talk it over with their broke friends to make sure no one will make fun of them if they make a decision. Successful people think for themselves and could care less what their broke friends think.

6. Losers are never coachable and teachable. Successful people are always learning, even when the money starts coming in, they never stop learning from those who were there first.

7. Losers are scared of others. Successful people trust in others and know that other people are crucial for their success.

8. Losers are always procrastinating; they would rather talk about it, read about it, think about it, but never seem to do anything. Successful people hate doing anything but getting it done.

9. Losers are glad when the day is over. Successful people love when the day begins.

10. Losers think successful people are lucky. Successful people put themselves into a position to be "lucky," and then work hard to make the "luck" show up.

11. Losers work by the hour. Successful people work by the month. Losers want to know that after 1 hour of work they have something to show for it. Successful people find Losers who think like that and make them their employees.

12. Losers get excited they just got hired. Successful people think it is funny that someone could be fooled that easily; they are just making the successful person more successful.

13. Losers complain a lot. Successful people are thankful that no one shot at them today, they didn't have to fight in a war, and that they don't have a job.

14. Losers are too concerned about what other people are doing. Successful people are only concerned about what they can be doing to get more done. Losers think that if no one is doing something, it must suck. Successful people think that if no one is doing something, it means more money for them. Losers think that if everyone (all 200 people at the meeting in a city of 1 million) is doing something, it must be saturated. Successful people think that Losers aren't too bright.

15. Losers think it is OK for other people to live where they want to live, drive what they want to drive, and do what they want to do. Losers are OK with the fact that they can't do these things. Successful people get sick just thinking about being average. Losers think that other people's opinions are worth more than their dreams. Successful people know that their dreams are worth more than other people's opinions.
"To be successful, you must learn from Losers and do not do what they do nor think how they think."

Posted by Murphy Horner at 02:30 PM | Permalink

I get to renew my driver's license today. Also, i am changing my name, so it's a good time for this to happen.

There are a lot of places where my name must be changed.

It's funny too. It's such a light thing, a name. It's air.

But the levels of beauracracy involved in changing it is staggering. Appointments, signatures, forms, copies of forms, approvals and waiting periods are involved.

I would like to have all of the name changing done before the end of the year. But I doubt that will happen.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 08:54 AM | Permalink

So, it's the 4th week of not driving to work.

I take my car only when I have to...Like this thursday I have to, because I have an appointment at the DMV to change my license.

but it's been going great. My bus system the Foothill transit is a very civilized bus system. They have new buses, called the Silver Streak, which I admire greatly but do not ride. The Silver Streak only goes downtown, and I need to go to Pasadena.

See? Those are the west end of the foothills I am transiting. That's a view of North Pasadena. And the end of my bus ride there and the start of my bus ride back. The very last stop before heading back home is in front of that Shell gas station. And in the bottom right corner is the stop before it.

The price of gas has greatly impacted my bus ride. To be honest, I didn't think that would happen. BUT it is now to be expected that there are not enough seats on the bus. It's getting kinda crazy! Almost every ride there are two people without a seat.

What do they think this is? Manhattan? this is LA and we need more or bigger busses or both.

I would like Foothill transit to give us a Silver Steak bus. In addition to their innate coolness, what with having a bendy middle and NAMES like ships ("Spirit of South El Monte", etc.), the Silver Streak has free wi-fi.

it would be very good to get the silver streak coming to my bus stops.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 11:37 AM | Permalink

So it came up in a book I'm reading right now. Of course, it was a teenage angst book. Crying in the bathroom. How many seeds of sorrow have been sown in public toilets all across America?

I can't be the only one. I'm sure there are a million stories that could be collected.

There is a website about crying while eating.

But the crying in the bathroom needs some of it's own attention.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 09:28 AM | Permalink

it's getting dark out

I forget sometimes...because it gets warm and dark in teh summer...It gets dark a lot earlier in the winter.

This is thanksgiving week. It will be pretty quiet except for the holiday party.

I plan on enjoying it

Posted by Murphy Horner at 06:42 PM | Permalink

So I'm working on the book again. I'm re-writing the beginning (AGAIN)

I was going to leave that for last, but I can't stand it. I have to re-write it so that the thing seems like it's one piece.

If it's one piece, then I can tell better what parts don't fit.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 12:08 PM | Permalink

And I'm not even talking off white and arctic white, or seabreeze white or all the other versions of beige that martha stewart might call white.

I mean white white.

I have just finished caulking the new bathroom. I grouted it with white grout, and the white grout went around white tile.

THe caulk went around a white shower base and a white toilet.

The white toilet has a white toilet seat. It is the conjunction of the white toilet and the whilte toilet seat that made me realize that all whites are not created equal.

Because to me, they are glaringly different shades of white.

And once you start noticing the different shades of white, it is an avalance. All those above items: grout, tile, toilet, shower base and caulk are different shades of white.

I guess I just have to be open minded about it--not b so black and white.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 08:45 PM | Permalink

Today, Chris and I met at Capp's Pizza on Castro street in downtown Mountian View.

I did not expect that we would get married.

But life is full of surprises.

Tonight, we will celebrate that we met by making enchiladas together.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 08:25 AM | Permalink

There are a lot of things to talk about. I have had a full brain of thoughts.

But I have had a full schedule too.

umm...The leaves are falling. Dog is good, cat is good, I am okay.

Chris is okay.

The dollar is falling against the Euro, which is not okay, but we will deal with it.

not so many shopping days until christmas.

be good to one another.

More to come.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 02:58 PM | Permalink

I discovered a large praying mantis on my curtains last night.

I called Chris over to take care of this 6-inch insect. This seemed like a husband responsibility.

He is kind to mantises. He found a box and scooped the mantis in. then he released the mantis on the rose bushes.

This morning Chris checkec, and the mantis was still among the roses. It was alive.

It is good to find a man who is kind to mantises.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 12:49 PM | Permalink

Glow worm Lyrics

Shine little glow-worm, glimmer, glimmer
Shine little glow-worm, glimmer, glimmer
Lead us lest too far we wander
Love's sweet voice is callin' yonder
Shine little glow-worm, glimmer, glimmer
Hey, there don't get dimmer, dimmer
Light the path below, above
And lead us on to love

Glow little glow-worm, fly of fire
Glow like an incandescent wire
Glow for the female of the species
Turn on the AC and the DC
This night could use a little brightnin'
Light up you little ol' bug of lightnin'
When you gotta glow, you gotta glow
Glow little glow-worm, glow

Glow little glow-worm, glow and glimmer
Swim through the sea of night, little swimmer
Thou aeronautical boll weevil
Illuminate yon woods primeval
See how the shadows deep and darken
You and your chick should get to sparkin'
I got a gal that I love so
Glow little glow-worm, glow

Glow little glow-worm, turn the key on
You are equipped with taillight neon
You got a cute vest-pocket *Mazda*
Which you can make both slow and faster
I don't know who you took the shine to
Or who you're out to make a sign to
I got a gal that I love so
Glow little glow-worm, glow
Glow little glow-worm, glow
Glow little glow-worm, glow
Glow little glow-worm, glow

Posted by Murphy Horner at 09:23 AM | Permalink

Today Claremont has The Village Venture. Sounds a bit like the townsfolks all going for a hike...Pitchforks and torches optional.

But no, it's kind of equivalent to the art and wine festivals up there in Northern Cal. It's a big crafty kind of fair. One day only, a bunch of people get out and sell their wares. There are also politicians and community organizatiosn distributing pamphlets(hmm...maybe that's a selling of wares too).

It takes place on the last Saturday in October, and the close down the streets. It's mostly an outdoor affair, so there are a lot of dogs in halloween costumes.

It's fun, and with all the lovely little things for sale you kinda are looking for an excuse to buy them. Christmas is the universal excuse to buy lovely little things.

So we consider the Village Venture to be the official opening of the Christmas Shopping season.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 07:53 AM | Permalink

I finished deliberating in my first jury duty experience. Guilty.

The guy pushed his pregnant wife, holding their two year old, over a freeway bridge.

Pushed her once, she screamed, and he pushed her agian to finish the job. 34 feet down onto big rocks that surrounded the train tracks.

The unborn baby died. The mom and two year old survived.

Horrifically, the mother testified that the man did not mean to do it.

I was the foreperson for the jury. The ONE thing I had determined I would not do, and then I did become foreperson.

We deliberated for about a day, making 9 different decisions on 4 counts.

It was hard.

But the bad guy is going to jail-for attempting to murder his wife, for attempting to murder his two-year old, for murdering his unborn baby, and particularly because this was domestic violence and child-abuse.

I've been in this case since wednesday. I'm happy that we are done, and now I can sleep.

Last night, I woke up thinking of the dark walk up the cold overpass.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 06:58 PM | Permalink

In some ways, it's good to know that things can be repaired. Some things get broken, and some things get raggy.

There was a spot along the front of my house that was getting raggy. The paint was peeling off, and even some ants were columning in and out.

So, I peeled off the paint the rest of the way. I cleaned it, and I sanded it. THen I cleaned it again. There were a lot of layers of paint. I figured i"d better put quite a few layers of primer on it. KILZ 2...Four layers.

Here is what it looked like:

The perspective is a little hard to see. That patch of white paint is about 8 feet long. Four layers still left a ridge, but it did seal off the wood and the inside of the house from the invasion of ants.

I let it dry, and then I put the color on it.

This is what it looked like when I was done:

A woman builds her house with her own hands, the proverbs says. And maybe she keeps it from falling down with her own hands too.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 08:47 PM | Permalink

It's been a while since I've posted.

I'm serving jury duty for the very first time. It's incredibly sobering, and it's occupying a lot of my thoughts.

I am ORDERED not to talk about it.

Which makes it a little hard to do this blog. I am sorry readers. I hate to leave you hanging.

I'm not sure what to say.
...how bout these fires? Apparently,Southern California, including San Diego, is having a worse-than-usual fire season. Every year we have fires. but usual they dont' happen all at once.

Chris, being a fan of both weather and the news, is glued to the TV.

I have a headache. Maybe it's the hot, maybe it's the smoke...Maybe i'm getting dehydrated from the lack of humidity.

What I'd like is a little escapist television. Since I can't talk about what is on my mind...Let me get out of my head and relax.

I found some DVDs I bought on sale and hadn't watched yet. Johnny Depp's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

MASSIVE DISAPOINTMENT

I rewatched The Music Man. Always a delight.

Last night I asked Chris to watch with me (Step AWAY from the computer!) with the promise that he could pick any movie he liked.

Drums Along the Mohawk--IN TECHNICOLOR

that was pretty good. Although I did not find the main hero believable...Or Claudette Colbert believable. I did wonder though, if she was related to Stephen Colbert.

Well...That's about all I can say for now. Maybe by the end of the week you can hear what all the fuss has been about. Maybe we'll get to have a verdict then.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 06:07 PM | Permalink

What with celebrating Grandma Ruth's 90th birthday

and with facing my own weakness and frailty last week...

I've been thinking about the Iliad, and most specifically Achilles

I confess, I have not completed read the Iliad. I want to...I've read part of it. I did get an excellent grade in my college class on the classics.

So, what I remember of this story is how Achilles was human. He was the son of an immortal goddess and a human king. And Achilles was going to die.

In fact, that was pretty much the dividing line between what was a god and what was human. Humans die.

Achilles railed against that dark night of death. He did not want to die, and he was resentful about it. The struggle that he had with this problem, as put forth in the poem the Iliad, pretty much set the tone for almost everyone that heard it.

What does it mean to be finite?

You can easily imagine that Achilles' friend told him that as a mortal, he would have to see that glorious actions were the mortals path to immortality...the STORIES of his life would live forever, even if he did not.

So. Achilles struggled with his impending death and what he would be remembered for.

I know that Grandma Ruth has been considering her death and what will be left behind ever since her husband died. He died quite a long time ago.

And me...well...I'm not 90, but death has come up in my mind. As a child, we were taught to be ready to die for Jesus and a moment's notice. You'd better be ready!

But this is grim. Who wants to think about it? It's not a matter to discuss in polite conversation.

Except that Homer blew the subject wide open, with Achilles and his poem. Thank you Homer! and it wasn't even a hand-wringing wussy sort of poem either. It's full of brave men and the spurting blood of battle.

I don't want to be grim, but this is part of humanity. It's as mundane as doing the dishes.

Speaking of mundane, for the first time in my life, I have been called for jury duty. How have I managed to achieve this level of adulthood without experiencing this american civic call to duty?

I've never lived in one place that long. I am now more than two years at a single address. This is the longest I have lived in one place since I was a teenager.

And the job that I have, which seems to be the job I will keep into the far-distant future...is almost the longest I have ever worked in one place.

My life is narrowing. I can't help but feel slightly nervous about it.

It's a good thing. I tell myself that the narrowing is but a honing, a sharpening of a tool to a purpose.

Which is true. To accomplish, one must buckle down and focus on something. To have a thing, you must give up the possibility of other things.

These are the thoughts running through my head. and I really should start and finish the Iliad. I would probably be glad I did, once I finished.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 09:18 AM | Permalink

Well, I'm getting ready to go back to work. It was a hellish week, with the head being taken over by very mean demons.

I couldn't lift my head. Which means I was very debilitated. I spent a portion of the week contemplating that debilitation could be forever, and what would it be like if I were in pain and incapacitated for the rest of my life.

There are some sorts of sickness that do that to you. Not a cold...I think most people feel confident that a cold will pass. Vomiting, flu symptoms--I usually feel like I can hunker down and just wait and it will be gone.

But this time, I kinda wondered. What kind of person I would have to be to live with this kind of disability? What kind of people would I have to rely on if it were more permanent?

Scary.

But it passed and I was eventually able to get up and do the dishes.

Chris's grandmother celebrated her 90th birthday this weekend.

She is perfectly healthy, with the exception of her hearing. But she drives her Nissan maxima to bingo and watches the interest rates carefully.

But when you are 90, a lot of your friends might not be so lucky. She told me a lot of stories about friends who had trouble with their health and had died. Betty, one of her oldest friends, is losing her sight and is moving North to be near her daughter.

"Her granddaughter comes every day and cooks for her, so she can just microwave what she needs. But her granddaughter had several kids of her own, and it's not good to rely on a granddaughter. It's better to be near her daughter. That's closer."

Grandmother Ruth has a keen eye for merits and potential weaknesses for the caretakers of her friends. It is precarious to be so dependent. But this granddaughter comes every day to take care of Betty.

"She must be a very nice lady, for her granddaughter to come every day."

Ruth's face softened. "She is. She's a very nice lady. I've known her since 72...or maybe 73..."

When I told Chris about this later, he said, "I would go every day to take care of my grandmother." He was defending the honor of grandchildren everywhere.

And I know he would. Grandmother Ruth is also a very nice lady. She shuffles a mean deck of cards.

But as Grandmother had finished her story of how all the people she used to know in the trailer park were mostly dead, and was on about one of them in particular who had cared for her blind husband for 25 or 35 years...

"She did everything for him. Toward the end she had to get a man to come in and help him in the bath and things like that...But he died...a long time ago...and then she died too"

I was caught on the idea of a wife caring for her husband, doing everything for him for that long. I would not want to be like that husband, to be so dependent. The story was so stark, dramatic and tragic.

But then I thought, many their love was strong and sweet. Maybe they were peaceful and happy, even with that trouble. And maybe she was bereft without him, even though he was a burden.

Grandma Ruth is 90. She has a lot to think about, with all her friends and her own life. Heavy stuff. Everyone else was gone in the kitchen--I don't think they would want her to go on about these sad things. Maybe that's why she talks to me about it.

I interrupted her. . "You know, life--even though it can be hard, with health problems and losing sight and loved ones--life is good. It is sweet. People hang on and make it through all those hard times, and life is good."

She answered very quickly, "Yes, life is good."

Posted by Murphy Horner at 08:01 PM | Permalink

This week I had a headache SO BAD the outside of my head hurt.

I didn't know that could happen.

But my head was in so much pain, when I touched my scalp, it hurt so much at the touch of my fingers that I felt like checking for blood. You know how sometimes you might hit your head on an open cupboard door and it hurts so much at first you can't tell if you are bleeding?

I was not bleeding, but wow. What a headache--and for a week! It has subsided to a dull roar.

And I am experiencing the euphoria of health after not-health.

I so hate being immobile. that when I am at last restored to health I get very busy and am super happy to get things DONE.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 09:05 AM | Permalink

Lots of photos from friends are trickling in.

We asked a certain sometimes altar boy to help us out with the ceremony.

I didn't think of him as an altar boy at the time. I thought of him as a bright, artistic-type kid who might be kinda bored and might like to have something to do during the wedding, which he might consider boring

Here is a photo of Luke, taken by someone else:

He's the kid in black, holding the camera.
I thought that was a great shot of him, even before I saw the photos he took. He's totally alert, has his trigger finger poised on the camera.

His photos are GREAT! and I didnt even realize it, but him being an altar boy gave him a major advantage. He felt totally at home behind the altar, and he got photo angles that no one else would have.

Here's one:

and he even got some cool arty shots:

Wow.

You can check all of them out, and others, here.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 07:34 PM | Permalink

There was the wedding. I guess today makes it a full week that I've been a wife.

But there have been a couple other things vying for my attention.

So it's been a full week.

I want to get started on changing my name:

Murphy Daley

We went to the county office about 2 months ago and got the license. Father Andrew was very good about having it filled out and signed on Saturday.

But it's not official until we mail in the signed form. Or we could take it in personally.

So check this out...I had an idea for a good plot twist. Imagine a mystery book.

The happy couple gets married...let's say they elope in a fit of romance.

So they are married by strangers, and witnessed by people they dont know. THey are deliriously happy, and the next day one of them goes out to take their license and make it official.

But then disappears. Leaving the other one married, but with no way to prove it

I could see this being the start of a very interesting story.

It is a weird feeling, being slightly in limbo.I guess I'm too much of an engineer...I want full legal connectivity before I start switching all the connections.

And at the same time I am eager to be the new me.

So I've just been calling myself Murphy

Posted by Murphy Horner at 05:37 PM | Permalink

So, married life is upon us.

We did not go anywhere for a honeymoon; we just wanted to be at home.

Sunday was still a lot of wrapping up, goodbyes, and getting people to the airport. Monday I woke up earlier than Chris and puttered around.

I went to wake him up later.

I crawled in bed next to him and he blinked at me. "Did you have any dreams?"

"No, I slept really well."

"I had some dreams."

"You did? Tell me"

"I dreamed that some hussy was all over me.."

"A hussy!"

"Yes, but I was flashing my ring at her to show I was married and she should stay away."

"I don't think that in real life a hussy would pay attention to your marital status."

"Well, it was a dream. And then I had another dream with you in it."

"With me?"

"Yeah, there was a man trying to put his hands all over you. I rushed in to protect you and beat him up. 'Leave my wife alone!' I said."

"You were defending me? wow."

He's wonderful.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 09:55 AM | Permalink

So, tomorrow I marry Chris.

This will be the culmination of a long courtship (isn't that an archaic word?) and also the culmination of a lot of preparations.

He's been working really really hard to make our house nice for the reception.

I've been working really hard on all the trappings that weddings need..food, music, wardrobe.

We've been a great team.

I'm exhausted.

But I'm really looking forward to the party.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 10:19 PM | Permalink

The pressure is getting higher.

Every day, every hour it seems, I am seeing more and more of the wonderfulness of Chris. I feel so priviledged to have the chance to love a man of this caliber. As I anticipate spending the rest of my life with him, words fail at the shining prospect.

I have a feeling I'll need to keep kleenex handy for the next 10 days.

Yesterday, we got the rings:

The wedding rings are still being sized, but the engagement ring fit perfect. it is perfect.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 09:20 AM | Permalink

It's about the wedding dance.

My FAMILY and friends are coming to my house, to celebrate my wedding.

And I get to decide what songs to play for the dancing portion of party.

OH MAN!
OH MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

i get to inflict music of my choice on everyone.

I think I'm looking forward to this more than the actual wedding.

...

and now right away I feel guilty.

As much as I would enjoy having a huge crowd of people just be my personal audience as I dance my huge happiness in my own house, it's not very hositable of me to choose only music that _I_ like.

It would probably be good to pick songs that would be appealing to a broad spectrum of people.

Now, there are certain rules of thumb when trying to be hospitable to a broad spectrum of people. Here is one: Make sure that there is a vegetarian selection on the menu

Which I thought about, when choosing the spaghetti THere was a choice--meatsauce or marinara sauce. I considered that I should get the marinara sauce for the vegetarians.

I thought, hey, it's the same price. Shame to pay equal for the no-meat marinara. But, I should be a good hostess and provide for my vegetarian guests. Be thoughtful.

So then I thought...I know all the people that are coming. None of them are vegetarian. To be real, I am getting the spaghetti for little kids who decide they don't want lasagna, just to have an alternate for the poor parents who want to feed teh kids SOMETHING. if for some reason one of our guests has become vegetarian in the last year there wi be salad.

I mean really. I know these people. THey are the nearest and dearest, right?

which brings us back to my Van Halen CD.

I've never DJed before, but I've suffered under DJs. I want to do it right. I don't want to do tired songs. No Hoiday from Madonna. No Macarena. Low cheese content. The cheese is in the lasagna, not on the speakers.

So what would the people want to hear?

...
...
Should I break out the Petra? Beat the System isn't bad..

NO...No...I can't. I respect them...The men from Petra were like the rock'n'roll life support of my teenage years. They kept me breathing...They kept the blood on the inside of my wrists.

But I'm out of intensive care and BREATHING FRESH AIR BABY!

I think my CD collection will get me pretty far before I even have to hit up the iTUnes. I've never hit up the 'Tunes yet..

And there is also the beauty of the great media that is now a part of my life. When Chris moved in, and i helped unpack his CDs
SUPER AUDIO CDs
and the VINYL

Such great media wealth that has enriched my life.

okay, so I get to dip my bucket deep in into the wealth well of all this gorgeous music.

Hooooohhhhhhhhh

okay...so I'm going to leave aside those of us who remember the days of This Means War and To Hell with the Devil

Cause, like holly golightly said, anything that happened before the age of 14 just doesn't count

alright, what can I do to give maximum pleasure to me and my guests?

and that brings it back to that tired topic...Music sucks these days! No wonder the music industry sales are down. FERGIE?! please G.L.A.M.O.R.O.U.S?

just keep your london bridge up..no one who is anyone wants to cross over

Alright, so who've we got?

Bryan and Karen always say that i am those guys at "night at the Roxbury"
BABY DON"T HURT ME

I admit that my beloved electrionica, techno, high-energy club music isn't everyone's cup of tea.

Okay...I am adaptable. I can head bang...I can rock n Roll...

But i can't seem to find my Van Halen CD

Posted by Murphy Horner at 04:33 PM | Permalink

Chris and I get around and take a lot of photos. He took lots of photos while I watched, but then he bought me a pretty nice used camera that will fit some of his fancy lenses. So now we both take photos.

We like nature and nature's critters, so we take a lot of animal photos. During our pursuit of a good hummingbird shot, Chris said, "Maybe I should have a special collection of photos dedicated to animal tongues."

That's not an easy picture to take you know. He has more tongue shots than I do, but I decided to organize what I've got.

Prize for the best pose of tongue goes to my house cat, Skellig:

Kitty likes to lick apples.

Prize for the best over all tongue belongs to the Okapi:

Yes, that really is blue

If you would like to see the rest of the animal tongue collection, click here

Posted by Murphy Horner at 09:28 PM | Permalink

In the summer between 5th and 6th grades, I had no clothes.

We'd just moved from Humboldt county California back to Alaska. I wasn't naked, but I had one box for all my things. ALL my things, including clothes. You can imagine how that worked out.

But school had to start. I had niether enough clothes to last a week at school, nor any means to purchase them. So I hit up the give-n-take at church. That glorious closet of hand-me-downs served me well.

My goal was to own 5 pairs of pants. The clothing that I had been wearing during the summer was simply done as far as I was concerned. I never wanted to see them again, and anyway, they were past being wearable. To my delight and relief, I found four pairs of what appeared to be BRAND NEW pants in the give-n-take.

They were identical cotton polyester pants with an elastic waist band, the right size, but in four different colors:
pink
yellow
purple
green

"Look mom! I can wear a dress on chapel day, and have enough pants so I can wear different ones for each day." They did sort of remind me of the kind of clothes a grandmother would wear, the kind that are advertised in the pages of Parade magazine in the sunday paper. But what I feared most, being teased for not owning enough pants, would certainly be averted by these glaringly different slacks.

I guess neither of us really anticipated that the kids in the Alaskan Christian School would be bigger clothes snobs than the kids from Humboldt county. It took until about the 3rd day of school for me to figure it out.

I found ways to earn money for pants as fast as I could. Three months went by before I had the 20 bucks to buy a non-shaming pair of pants. In the meantime, I found that skirts were my friend.

The pink pants were the most onerous. Kids from lower grades teased me about them, even after I had stopped wearing them (for good, believe me. I felt like burning those hated pants).

"Pink pants Pink pants!!"

I didn't wear pink even once the rest of the year.

My class was made up of three grades, fifth, sixth, and seventh. I remember once, talking with a likable fifth grader about boys. Beginning with my strategy of avoiding the color pink, I had formed a theory about attracted boys which I shared with her:

"You have to be a tomboy. If you act like a boy, they will feel comfortable around you and then..maybe...even like you."

Such sage advice from a 12 year old--I don't know what made me think I had something to say about attracting boys. Certainly none of the boys in our class were interested in me. Maybe I was just hoping that my natural exuberance--which wasn't ladylike--would get me what I was hoping for.

I do consider myself feminine. I have reclaimed my beloved color pink. But I am not ladylike. I don't wait to be asked, because I simply don't believe that will ever happen. It's up to me to get things started.

Ask the question if you don't know. Ask for what you need, or even what you want.

What makes that unladylike, I'd like to know? why not?

And yet, I can't help but notice the reaction.

I was in a training class recently, and sat in the middle. When I had a question I raised my hand and asked it. But on the break, I walked up to the front to take a look at some technology there.

The teacher (male) said "Uh Oh, I'm in trouble now."

I wanted to smack him. How insecure is this guy to be scared of me asking a question? Or was it just me? unladylike me?

Man, it's hard enough with all the other things that can detract and derail. I believe that women must be assertive..yes pushy..to take care of the things that are most important.

When it comes to the people we women care about, we women have to push to get them what the need. From the local school principal to the President of the United states, we have to be willing to push.

And that includes pushing for ourselves.

But you know, if people think I'm pushy, it really reflect back on themselves. I wouldn't have to push if I could just get the answer/resources/materials that I need when I ask nicely the first time

Posted by Murphy Horner at 11:05 PM | Permalink

There will be lasagna, spaghetti, salad and bread

Eddie's Pizzeria will be providing the lasanga and spaghetti.
...why is Pizza spelled with an 'a' and Pizzeria with an 'e'...?

I will be purchasing the salad and bread elsewhere, though. Because salad and bread should simply NOT cost that much. As my Russian friend Lena said, "It's a sin to pay that much for tea." I'll take that for bread and salad too.

But that means that I will have to find something to put the salad into. Once again, my favorite boutique, salvation army, has provided interesting cut glass bowls (they match! Imagine!) and a big punch bowl which shall serve as the gigantic salad container.

Bread will be okay in the little paper bag it comes in.

it takes some thought to feed 80 people.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 03:59 PM | Permalink

So there are 24 days until the wedding.

Last weekend, I went to check out what sort of flowers I want to have. Karen, the priest's wife from church. took me to a place that had wholesale flowers.

See, I don't think I need a florist. I love arranging flowers.

But I was overwhelmed at the huge amount of flowers. In the end I bought a bunch of different things, and figured I would make some kind of arrangement from them.

Here is what I made. I'm pretty happy with it.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 09:22 AM | Permalink

I heard that kids these days want to be famous.

It's hard to miss, this celebrity culture. What are the famous people doing? Everyone wants to know!

If you are famous, people notice you. People want to know how you are and what you are doing. They think you are special.

All of which could actually be accomplished more effectively by an attentive grandmother, don't you think?

There is a lot of distance between people now. Separate vehicles carry us, pod-like, to where we need to go. Don't get too excited

But if americans are so happy to keep our distance, keep our fences tall, why are so many people ready to invade the privacy of celebrities? And why are kids wanted to be famous like that?

It's just another way of getting love. Why can't we all take turns being famous? Let's all stop and appreciate one another frequently. Let' s take any opportunity we find to notice and applaud each other.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 01:56 PM | Permalink

I was wondering when it would get dark on my wedding day.

I found out.

It will be dark at 7:30.

I also found out that there would be a crescent moon.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 09:30 AM | Permalink

The construction is progressing now. We have a concrete block and some framed walls. I think we might get a roof soon.

the piles of dirt have been pushed back into the holes they came from. At least in the front yard...And that leaves big smooth stretches of bare dirt.

And a lawn that was unwaterable for the hottest months of this year, and has given up the ghost.

My beautiful plants!

I couldn't stand it. I couldn't STAND it. A dead lawn, and naked dirt. I felt like I was grocery shopping in a ratty bathrobe. I was ashamed.

So I found some blue sage on sale, and planted it around the edge of the bare dirt. I thought at least that I could look like I was planning on doing something there, but it just wasn't happening yet.

it looks kinda nice.

Soon, I will shop for a peach tree.

Posted by Murphy Horner at 08:50 AM | Permalink